Going back home
Going back home is probably going to be one of the saddest, and most surreal day of your life. What was once your beautiful home, is now a sea of ash, melted glass, and twisted shards metal. We both almost cried when we first saw what had happened to our home. It was so final and depressing. We had just driven 6 hours from where we had been staying to finally see what was left, and we had no idea what to expect. Nothing you do will prepare you for what you will feel that day. And to know it is possibly someone’s fault from negligence, and not a freak accident of nature will eat at you inside. Stay cool and remain calm. You have to get through this for your family, so stay strong. You’re a survivor, remember?
The silence of the ash
We had seen pictures of other houses and buildings on the news, and all the burnt, abandoned cars on the road, but surely our home is different, and it is still standing. Maybe just the roof burned, or a couple of walls, but our stuff is ok, right? All sorts of images and anxiety goes through your mind when you are going back home for the first time. Once you arrive and actually see it, a very odd, quiet sadness overcomes you. You want to scream in anger and cry out, but there is no voice to scream. It’s as if the fire has taken away the air from your lungs, and so there is silence. If you talk, it will be very low and quiet, and without any emotion. It’s like being run over by a garbage truck and you just woke up confused and weak in the hospital. You’re in shock. I can’t seem to really describe it, but when you experience it yourself, you will know exactly what I’m trying to describe. Everything is dead around you. No birds or animals. Just the silence of the ash and the sound of your breathing through the mask. It is all gone now, and you can clearly see it is final. It’s not a dream.
Reality
As much as you tell yourself that you’ll be ok, and that it really doesn’t bother you as much as you thought it would, inside you know that you’re lying to yourself and those around you. November will be 5 years since our fire, and it is still the topic everyone talks about. It’s a weird mix of sadness and emptiness, almost like the passing of a loved one, not for the things, but for the fact that your life is forever changed and there is no “undoing this mess.” You’re going to grieve over the family pictures you’ll never see again, or the kid’s artwork you didn’t have a chance to save, the mementos from family trips, or the silly refrigerator magnets your family collected. It all turned to ash, and no amount of glue can put any of it back together. You can see our reaction the first night we saw our home by clicking here . We were in complete and total shock.
It’s no longer home
Sometime in all of this, you will realize you can no longer live here. You now must acknowledge that the car, tent, or local shelter is the only home you have for now, and you will have to live like a refugee for a while. Remember your new mindset. You are a survivor, not a victim. You will get through this. It’s going to be a marathon, not a race, and it is definitely a grieving process. It is going to hurt for quite awhile, but just like a broken bone, you will slowly heal and come out stronger. Give yourself time, and stay focused on your lists, your journal, and scavenging supplies and gear. It will help take your mind off the sorrow. Going back home is not easy.
Diversions of a third kind
My wife and I were so sad at the loss and destruction, that we only did a superficial search of our home for a few lost items. It was too much pain to deal with, so instead we spent most of that first year after the fire helping others search their property for their lost valuables for free with my metal detector. It was just what we needed to take our mind off of our own loss. We were actually successful about 75-80% of the time, and that was very rewarding. Helping others find their things is much easier than dealing with your own tragedy. Volunteer when you can, it’s rewarding and very therapeutic, and it helps build a real sense of community. I still have people come up and thank me and tell me “hey I know you, you’re that metal detector guy.” We have lots of stories about the things we found for people, and maybe someday I will put them all down in a book.
Be careful, the land is poisoned
So as long as we are talking we need to about the remnants of your home and property, we need to discuss a few safety issues. Remember I told you to collect real N95 masks, heavy rubber gloves, rubber boots, goggles, and white Tyvek suits? This is where you will need them. The grey and white ash that was once your house, looks so benign and safe. IT IS NOT SAFE AT ALL. The ash is full of PCBs, and dioxin, along with a few other very toxic chemicals. This is why you must wear the suit, goggles, and mask at all times when you are on your property. The whole house is highly toxic even though it doesn’t look like it, and why you must wear your protective gear. On top of all that, when the ash gets wet it can turn into lye, so when it hits your eyes, lungs, or skin, it will react to any moisture or sweat ( you will sweat in the Tyvek suit, trust me), and burn you like Drano drain cleaner. I am deadly serious here.
Long term hazards
If you inhale the ash, it will burn your lungs and seriously shorten your life span, and if it gets in your eyes, you could go blind. We carried an eyewash bottle with us when we searched, just , along with a full first aid kit. Under that ash is plenty of sharp metal and nails that could really ruin your day. Safety first, last, and always. The chemicals in the ash from the fire are also known to cause cancer, so be very careful. My wife got a little ash on here wrist and had a chemical burn for 2 weeks. I can’t stress being safe and using your head enough here. Also don’t track the ash back into your car or your new shelter. You don’t want to expose the rest of the family to those toxins. Be extremely careful.
FEMA’s disaster clean up
The typical process will be in steps, or at least it should be.
- The disaster happens.
- The police and sometimes the National Guard are called in to secure the disaster area.
- Search teams along with cadaver dogs search each house or building for bodies, which is why you will see the red or orange FEMA circles painted on the ground or on driveways.
- The authorities allow the people to go back home to search for items they lost in the disaster. The people have a right to search their own rubble before removal. After all, it is their land and lost items.
- In the case of a fire, they give you about a month to search and then they bring in excavators and tractors and they haul away the top toxic layer of your soil, leaving you with about a 6″-8″ deep pit and no foundation. Once this step is done, you will not be able to find anything you might have lost. It will all be hauled off in a dump truck to parts unknown.
We had people beg us to search for lost jewelry, but they waited to long to ask us, and FEMA beat us to it. You can’t search dirt that isn’t there anymore. While you are out there, keep an eye out for looters. They will be out there preying on people who are already suffering from the loss. We have lot’s of reports of looting going on by both regular criminals, and a couple official searchers. More stories for a book someday. There is a crook around every corner. Sometimes opportunity makes criminals out of even the most honest people.
Parting comments for today
That’s it for today’s blog. Next time we will talk about the actual search techniques, and setting up your claim spreadsheet, but let’s talk about choosing an attorney for a second. I am not a lawyer and I will not give you any legal advice, but I will comment on what I personally have seen dealing with our disaster here in California. P.T. Barnum said “there’s a sucker born every minute,” and that is what some attorneys are looking for. You owe it to yourself and your family not to be that sucker. Please do not sign any document or contract until you’re sure the attorney is legit.
Plenty of predators
There are all sorts of legal sharks swarming you, just like they did after the Camp-Fire here in Northern California. A few are good, but many are flakes who have left their clients high and dry to chase the next big disaster. They give very little communication or representation to their clients, but they were oh so slick and slippery getting them to sign contracts. Like most things in life, the ones who boast the most, are usually the worst. Also, just because they have big ads and maybe a celebrity’s endorsement, does not mean they are reputable. Take your time and do the research. Ask for references and talk to their clients. Make sure they have a valid license to act as an attorney in your state. There are attorneys who will scoop up clients and then worry about getting licensed. It’s all about the money. They get a third of anything you win, though a really decent attorney will reduce their fees to about 25% because of the size of the disaster and your suffering and hardship you are dealing with. And don’t sell your land. Period.
Good luck and God Bless you all.
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